Back when I was buying a condo as an unmarried woman about a decade back, I was confronted with the term “spinster” in the legal documentation declaring that I *gasp* had no husband in the process of buying this home. Get your fainting couches ready. I don’t think this term for a single lass over a certain age is still being widely used in these documents now (though don’t quote me?), but at the time it was a wee bit jarring. I think it would have been far less jarring had I been confronted with the term THORNBACK, though. What’s a thornback you ask? Come with me on this journey of fantastic singlehood, friends…
Over on Twitter, user Sophia Benoit discovered the following:
Omg I just found out that spinster used to be reserved for women 23-26 and that after you turned 26 if you were unmarried you became a…. THORNBACK. How fucking great is that name!?
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 13, 2019
“Omg I just found out that spinster used to be reserved for women 23-26 and that after you turned 26 if you were unmarried you became a…. THORNBACK. How fucking great is that name!?”
To my unbridled delight, there were many inspired new definitions for us unwed ladies that made us sound far more badass than any old spinster term could.
Check this chronology out and tell me you don’t now aspire to “RED MARY, OUTSIDE TIME AND SPACE, THE UNMAKER OF THE BONDS OF HEART, DESTROYER OF THE LABYRINTH, OBLITERATOR OF MENS"…
After 26: THORNBACK
After 36: DOOMWITCH
After 46: HENGEQUEEN
After 56: LIBERATED PAINMOTHER
After 66: THE UNBURDENED EMPRESS
After 76: RED MARY, OUTSIDE TIME AND SPACE, THE UNMAKER OF THE BONDS OF HEART, DESTROYER OF THE LABYRINTH, OBLITERATOR OF MENS
At age 84: JUDI DENCH https://t.co/6AARj5KbQY
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) March 13, 2019
Or how about "Fanged Dowager"…
23-26: Spinster
26-29: Thornback
29-35: Venus Deathtrap
35-40: Lady of the Blade
40-45: Fanged Dowager
45+: terrified silence, shifting eyes, if you speak of her she will know and she will show you no mercy https://t.co/7zLDyY0CJc—
Madeline St. Clair
Unite, friends, as thornbacks, doomwitches, hengequeens, and Judi Denches to beat back those social pressures and embrace your majesty.
from Offbeat Home & Life https://offbeathome.com/spinster-term-thornback/
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